For much of my life, I carried a quiet fear of being judged. It showed up in small ways, worrying what people might think, holding back my true opinions, or shrinking my light just to stay safe. I thought that if I could be “good enough,” I’d escape criticism. But judgment has a way of finding us, no matter how careful we try to be.
What I’ve learned is that people’s opinions often reflect their own stories, not our truth. When I began to really understand that, something softened inside me. I stopped chasing approval and started focusing on how I felt about my own choices. That’s where the real freedom began.
The Inner Critic
While I feared other people’s judgment, I didn’t realise how harshly I was judging myself. My inner voice could be relentless, whispering that I should have done better, that I wasn’t enough, that everyone else had it more together than I did.
It took time to see that this self-judgment wasn’t helping me grow; it was keeping me small. When I began to notice those critical thoughts, I asked myself a simple question:
Would I speak this way to someone I love?
If not, then why would I speak that way to myself.
Learning to respond to myself with kindness instead of criticism changed everything. I started replacing the words “I should have known better” with “I did my best with what I knew then.” That one shift turned shame into understanding, and understanding is where healing begins.
An example of this happened to me recently. One day, I tripped over a root in the ground. As I was falling, I felt that familiar flash of fear, the last time something like this happened, I ended up with a frozen shoulder for over a year. Instantly, I heard that old, critical voice say, “You stupid idiot.” But I caught myself and gently corrected it, saying instead, “It’s OK, accidents happen.” I didn’t injure myself this time, and I truly believe it’s because I responded with kindness rather than criticism. That simple shift in self-talk changed my body’s response from tension and fear to softness and acceptance.
When We Judge Others
There are also times I’ve caught myself judging others, not out loud, but in the quiet corners of my mind. And when I look closer, I can see that my judgment often says more about me than about them.
When someone’s confidence made me uncomfortable, it was usually because I longed to feel that free myself. When someone’s choices annoyed me, it was often because I didn’t understand them yet or saw life differently at that time.
It’s humbling to realise how much judgment is really about projection. But it’s also liberating, because once we see it, we can choose differently. Instead of reacting, we can pause and ask, “What is this showing me about myself?”
That’s how judgment becomes a teacher.
Choosing Understanding
Letting go of judgment doesn’t mean pretending we never have critical thoughts, it means we notice them without letting them control us. We become observers rather than participants.
For me, it’s an ongoing practice. Some days I slip back into self-criticism or worry about what others might think. But now I meet those moments with kindness. I remind myself that we are all learning, all trying, all human.
The more compassion I offer myself, the easier it becomes to extend that same compassion to others.
Because in the end, the opposite of judgment isn’t approval – it’s understanding. And from understanding grows acceptance, connection, and peace.
I hope you found this article interesting and useful. Please take look at some of my other pages or blog posts where I talk about different therapies and my own wellbeing journey. If you’d like to see my future content then please enter your email and press subscribe below and you will be alerted when I publish anything new. Thank You for taking the time to read this. Until next time, I wish you all the very best. Janet x
For much of my life, I may have appeared strong on the outside, independent, capable, resilient. But underneath, I was silently navigating years of emotional pain, family responsibility, chronic illness, and deep spiritual searching.
My spiritual journey truly began in my late twenties, during one of the most difficult periods of my life. I was trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship and couldn’t bring myself to ask for help, not from family or from friends. Instead, I turned inward. I started reading the Bible, exploring Buddhism, and practicing meditation. That inner work gave me the strength to leave, even though it took longer than it should have. It also taught me that we have more power over our lives than we think.
Later, when my mother’s health declined and started dementia to take hold, she relied on me more often. It was an overwhelming time, caring for my children, managing a household, and fighting for the support my mum desperately needed. It was during this period that I began experiencing strange, debilitating symptoms. I was eventually diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a condition often triggered by trauma and emotional suppression. My body had finally begun to speak the pain I’d pushed aside for years.
Amidst the chaos and challenges, my spirituality quietly deepened. I began to experience life differently, more connected, more intuitive, more open. And, while I’ve faced more grief and loss along the way, I’ve also found peace, insight, and a sense of purpose that continues to grow.
There’s so much more to this story, my isolated childhood, the loss of my father, the manipulation and shame I felt in an early toxic relationship, and the influence of a very special woman, my mentor and dearest friend Eileen, who passed away seven years ago.
I’m now working on turning this journey into a book. It’s a story of survival, awakening, healing, and the quiet power of spirituality in real life. I hope one day it will resonate with those who’ve experienced their own struggles in silence.
For now, I just want to say: if you’re walking through something painful, invisible, or hard to explain, keep going. The path may not be easy, but it can still lead somewhere beautiful.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post. If you like this article please take look at some of my other pages or blog posts where I talk about different therapies and my own wellbeing journey and if you’d like to see future posts then please enter your email address and click on the subscribe button below and you will be notified of future content. I have no plans to use your email address for any other purpose. Feel free to share my page with anyone you feel may be interested and if you have any feedback about what I write or suggestions for further articles then please use the comment box further down the page. Under the menu heading of Spirituality will be articles about my own spiritual journey, practices and subjects I’m interested in. They will be my own opinions, reflections and perspectives and no way disrespectful of others belief systems.
Beautifully written Janet and definitely had me wanting to read more! I’m sure your book will be inspiring to many. I look forward to reading it. Thanks for this encouraging message this morning. 🥰🌻☀️
It’s been a while since I’ve written a personal post. I usually feel inspired to write about spreading positivity and sharing well-being advice. But, like everyone else, I’m human, and life brings its ups and downs, even as I strive to inspire others. Recently, I felt compelled to return to writing after a break, motivated by the desire to bring some light into a world that often feels overshadowed by darkness.
Today, I opened my WordPress dashboard and found this post sitting in my drafts folder. I’m not sure when I wrote it, but its message feels timeless, so I decided to share it now. This isn’t a plea for pity or sympathy but a sincere acknowledgment of how chronic illness – specifically fibromyalgia – has shaped my life. Everyone’s experience is unique, but it can be comforting and empowering to recognize the common threads in others’ stories. It reminds us that we’re not alone, and it opens the door for empathy and the exchange of coping strategies.
While I wholeheartedly believe in the power of maintaining a positive mindset, it’s just as crucial to honour and validate our struggles. For me, fibromyalgia has been a reflection of years spent denying negative emotions and consistently putting others’ needs before my own. Sharing this is part of my journey to heal, inspire, and encourage others to embrace both their light and their shadow.
My Fibro Story
I’m writing this after giving up on trying to get back to sleep, knowing I’ve had to cancel my plans for the day. Sleep deprivation often triggers a severe flare-up, and today is no exception. Lying in bed is unbearable due to the pain, yet I lack the energy for much physical activity. Right now, writing is one of the few things I’m able to manage.
I’d consider the fibromyalgia I have to be relatively mild. I don’t take any regular medication, except for the occasional painkiller at bedtime. Instead, I rely on natural approaches like nutrition and exercise, as I believe they’re the best way to manage it. However, during flare-ups, when my energy is depleted and brain fog sets in, even simple tasks become overwhelming. Remembering to take supplements or deciding what to cook feels impossible, let alone finding the motivation and energy to prepare a meal. As a result, I often resort to whatever is easy, carb-heavy foods – which doesn’t help much with staying in shape either.
I’m aware of my limitations, and I’ve learned to pace myself. If I have a busy, active day, I know I’ll need to rest the next day. I struggle with last-minute plans, as too much stimulation, such as loud noise, bright lights, strong smells, or sudden temperature changes – can overwhelm me.
That said, I rarely cancel plans, even when I’m not feeling my best, and I usually end up enjoying myself for sticking to them. Moderation is key, though. Once or twice a week is ideal, as long as the plans aren’t on consecutive days. I genuinely love seeing empty weeks on my calendar, it gives me the freedom to do what I want while leaving room for to plan social or other activities.
GUILT
The guilt that comes with fibromyalgia often leads to anxiety and depression. The anxiety stems from feeling like people think I’m making excuses or judging me, while the depression comes from the sense that no one truly understands.
Since fibromyalgia is an invisible illness, most people only see me at my best, functioning like everyone else, and tend to forget about my condition. I don’t like to draw attention to myself or complain too much, so I push through and suffer in silence. Sometimes, I even forget I have fibromyalgia and have to remind myself that I have valid reasons to rest, sit down, or take it easy.
When I lose track of what I’m saying mid-sentence or can’t recall a word, I have to remind myself it’s not early dementia or menopause it’s the brain fog that comes with fibro. Deep down, I know I’m in a bit of denial about the illness, but acknowledging it is the first step toward understanding and managing it.
The guilt often comes from not being able to accomplish the things I want to, whether it’s doing more around the house and garden, working on my projects or helping others as much as I’d like. I work as a complementary therapist, which allows me to choose my hours, so there’s no pressure there, but I still wish I could contribute more financially to the household.
With my children being older now, I ask for their help when they’re around, though there’s naturally less to do when they’re not. Still, I feel guilty that even with extra time, I don’t always have the energy to prepare healthy meals for the family. Sometimes, I don’t even want to go places with them because I can get so tired and overwhelmed. Forcing myself to go would only spoil their day by limiting what they can do.
We’re fortunate to have a motorhome, and the family enjoy weekend trips to the beach and other places. But I find it challenging to climb into the raised beds, and the seating areas aren’t the most comfortable for relaxing. I need to feel at my best to join them, and with four people, it can feel cramped. While I sometimes feel like I’m missing out on good times and creating memories, I hold on to the hope that I’ll feel more adventurous one day – I’m not giving up.
Another source of guilt is having to turn down invitations or cancel social plans. If I have a reason unrelated to my health, it doesn’t feel as bad because people tend to understand. But when it’s due to feeling tired, in pain, or overwhelmed, the guilt is much heavier. I worry that people will think I’m making excuses, judge me, or stop inviting me altogether. And then there’s the social anxiety that comes along with it…
SOCIAL ANXIETY
I’m not sure why, but I often feel a strong resistance to doing things or going places, even when it’s something I’ve planned myself. It’s almost like a panic attack, and I have to talk myself into following through. This can happen even with activities I genuinely enjoy, like a course on a subject I love.
Despite the resistance, I usually push myself to go, and I’m almost always glad I did. However, I need to differentiate between anxiety and flare-ups, as the anxiety itself can sometimes trigger a flare-up. Recognising the distinction is crucial for managing both effectively.
Sometimes it feels like the people you live with are the least understanding. Maybe it’s just my perception, but when I don’t feel up to doing something and feel guilty about it, their responses can come across as dismissive and matter-of-fact. They accept my decision, but not in a way that makes me feel understood or reassured. It’s usually just a shrug and an “OK, we won’t go then,” without any eye contact or concern for how I’m feeling. It’s probably normal in a domestic setting; after all, my decisions impact them, and I probably come across as a killjoy. I might be overthinking it, but it still causes me anxiety.
So, what do I do about it?
Because of my work and passion about self-healing and self-care, I do take my own advice, these are a few of my coping strategies:
I offer myself the compassion I need, with a loving inner voice that gently reassures me.
I acknowledge my feelings of hopelessness and frustration. A bit of self-pity it OK as long as it’s temporary.
When there are tasks I absolutely have to do, I prioritise them and pace myself.
I keep a selection of meals in the freezer so I don’t have to think about cooking on flare-up days.
I have cosy, comfortable loungewear ready for these occasions.
I maintain a list of low-energy, low-concentration activities I can enjoy, like simple crafts (embroidery, colouring books), writing blogs, or other creative hobbies.
I practice self-care by doing things that are beneficial but often get overlooked when I’m busy, like taking my supplements, applying homemade pain-relief balms, or making herbal teas from my healing herbs.
I catch up on emails, coursework (if I can focus), or simply relax by watching TV.
I use tools like my TENS machine, practice self-massage, or apply healing techniques such as E.F.T., Aromatherapy, Reiki, – essentially practicing what I preach.
I make plans for the things I’ll do when I’m feeling better, giving myself something to look forward to.
Most importantly, I frame these moments as essential “Me Time” and treat them as an opportunity for rest, healing, and self-nurturing.
It’s not all doom and gloom – I just need to let go of the guilt and practice kindness toward myself. After all, this blog and website are dedicated to promoting self-care and self-love in a holistic way. Sometimes, I have to remind myself to be a good example for the people I’m striving to support.
I hope you found this article interesting and useful. Please take look at some of my other pages or blog posts where I talk about different therapies and my own wellbeing journey. If you’d like to see my future content then please enter your email and press subscribe below and you will be alerted when I publish anything new. Thank You for taking the time to read this. Until next time, I wish you all the very best. Janet x
In a world dominated by news of crisis, conflict, and chaos, it can feel as though the very fabric of humanity is unravelling. You only need to look at the news to see the every day horrors of war, abuse, corruption and propaganda that seems to get worse by the day.
Yet, amidst the noise of negativity, a profound truth often goes unnoticed: the power to heal the world rests within each of us, in our ability to focus on the good. It may sound simple, even idealistic, but history and science show that collective positive intention can drive change, both within ourselves and in the world around us.
What hope is there?
We can explore how shifting our focus toward what is beautiful, kind, and hopeful in the world can ignite real transformation.
The Energy of Attention
Where we place our attention shapes not only our personal experiences but also the world we live in. Our minds are like sponges, soaking up the information we give them, and in today’s environment, they are often drenched in despair. Every headline, every viral video of injustice, every tweet that fuels division draws us deeper into the narrative that the world is broken beyond repair.
But what if we took control of where we direct our attention? Imagine focusing not on the crises that divide us, but on the small acts of goodness happening every day—the people who reach out to help their neighbours, the communities rallying around vulnerable members, the innovators developing sustainable solutions to global challenges. These stories are everywhere, yet they don’t always make it to the forefront of our consciousness.
Cultivating a mindset of gratitude and positivity can rewire our brains, making us more resilient, hopeful, and compassionate. When we focus on the good, we activate neural pathways associated with joy and empathy, helping us to cope with stress and developing a sense of connection with others. This isn’t about denial—it’s about balance. By choosing to give our energy to what uplifts us, rather than what drags us down, we become part of the solution.
The Ripple Effect of Good Energy
Imagine each positive thought, each kind gesture, each moment of mindful appreciation as a ripple in the vast ocean of collective consciousness. Individually, these actions might seem small, but as they spread outward, they interact with others, creating waves of change.
By focusing on the good, we radiate positive energy that others naturally pick up on. This energy creates an environment where kindness is more likely to flourish, where solutions are more likely to emerge, and where peace has the space to grow. Healing the world begins with healing ourselves, and healing ourselves begins with what we choose to nurture in our hearts.
The ripple effect is real. One person’s smile can lift the mood of an entire room, and one act of generosity can inspire a chain of kindness. This is not imaginary; it’s deeply embedded in how humans are wired. Emotions are contagious, meaning the positivity or negativity we project affects those around us in profound ways. And in this interconnected world, our impact extends further than we often realize.
Cultivating Goodness in Everyday Life
So, how can we cultivate this focus on the good in our everyday lives?
1. Practice Mindful Gratitude
Every day, take a few moments to reflect on the things, however small, that brought you joy or comfort. It could be a simple conversation with a friend, a beautiful sunset, or the satisfaction of a job well done. Writing these moments down amplifies their effect. Over time, this practice trains your brain to seek out positive experiences, reinforcing a mindset of abundance and gratitude.
2. Amplify the Good Around You
When you see something beautiful—whether it’s an inspiring story, a personal achievement, or a small act of kindness—share it. Talk about it, post it online, and celebrate it. By amplifying the good, you help shift the collective focus from despair to hope. People crave positivity, even if they don’t always realize it, and your voice can be a beacon.
3. Be the Change in Your Community
The world is a mosaic of communities, each one shaped by the people within it. By choosing to act with kindness, generosity, and empathy in your own community, you contribute to a culture of goodness. Volunteering, mentoring, offering help to a neighbour, or even just listening to someone who needs to be heard can have a far-reaching impact.
4. Engage with Media Mindfully
Our minds are constantly influenced by the media we consume. Be selective about the content you engage with. Instead of scrolling through endless negative news, seek out platforms that highlight positive stories, innovation, and solutions to global problems. Surround yourself with content that uplifts and empowers, rather than disheartens.
5. Turn Empathy into Action
Focusing on the good doesn’t mean ignoring the world’s pain; it means responding to it in ways that heal rather than harm. When you encounter stories of suffering, instead of feeling overwhelmed or hopeless, ask yourself, “What can I do to help?” Sometimes, the answer might be donating to a cause, volunteering, or simply offering emotional support to those affected. Action transforms empathy into empowerment.
Healing the World, One Thought at a Time
It’s easy to feel small in the face of global problems, but change is always built on the foundation of small actions. When we choose to focus on the good, we are not turning away from the world’s problems but acknowledging that healing begins with hope. We are affirming that, despite the darkness, there is light—and that light exists in every act of kindness, every expression of love, every moment of peace.
In the end, healing the world is not about grand gestures or sweeping changes. It’s about millions of individual hearts choosing to focus on what’s good, nurturing it, and letting it grow. When enough of us do this, the world will change—one thought, one action, one ripple at a time.
I hope you found this article interesting and useful. Please take look at some of my other pages or blog posts where I talk about different therapies and my own wellbeing journey. If you’d like to see my future content then please enter your email and press subscribe below and you will be alerted when I publish anything new. Thank You for taking the time to read this. Until next time, I wish you all the very best. Janet x
Negativity has a sneaky way of weighing us down. Whether it’s a passing bad mood or a more persistent feeling of dissatisfaction, negativity can spiral quickly, making it easy to get trapped in a cycle that drains energy, affects relationships, and distorts how we see ourselves and the world around us. It’s natural to experience negative emotions, but understanding how they spiral and learning how to counteract them can prevent them from taking control.
The Spiral Effect of Negativity
Negative thoughts tend to feed off each other. Imagine starting the day feeling a bit stressed, then encountering minor inconveniences – a traffic jam, a challenging conversation at work. These small frustrations can seem bigger when viewed through a negative lens. Negative thoughts often fuel one another, shifting our mindset from momentary irritation to a broader feeling of hopelessness or frustration. This mindset can lead us to expect more negativity, which only serves to attract more of it.
Over time, prolonged negativity can cloud our judgment, impact our decision-making, and drain our motivation. If left unchecked, it can even begin to affect our health, as stress and negativity are known to increase fatigue, anxiety, and even the risk of illness. In a sense, negativity can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The Addictive Nature of Negativity
Negativity can be surprisingly addictive, pulling people in with a sense of belonging and a rush of immediate, albeit temporary, validation. It often begins subtly, as venting or sharing complaints can feel like bonding, and mutual frustration can create a quick sense of camaraderie. However, negativity thrives on repetition and can quickly become a habit, releasing stress hormones like cortisol, which can, paradoxically, lead to a “high” similar to other forms of emotional addiction. People may also feel more connected by sharing negative experiences than positive ones, as the latter can inadvertently spark jealousy or competition. Over time, people become so accustomed to this cycle of complaining or dwelling on the negative that it starts to define how they relate to others and see the world.
The Ripple Effect of Negativity
Negativity rarely stays confined to one person; it has a ripple effect, spreading far beyond its origin. When someone projects negative thoughts or attitudes, it impacts not only their own mood and outlook but also those around them, subtly shaping the emotional environment. Negative remarks, complaints, or criticism can dampen group morale, creating an atmosphere of tension or dissatisfaction that others start to absorb. Over time, this influence builds up, shifting relationships and even altering people’s perspectives on their own lives. Negativity’s ripple effect can lead to resentment, distrust, or reduced motivation, impacting productivity and the sense of unity in workplaces, families, and social circles. It’s a force that, if left unchecked, can change the collective mindset of a group, often leaving people feeling less hopeful or engaged with their goals and connections.
How to Avoid the Negativity Trap
Acknowledge Without Judgment Recognize negative thoughts when they arise, but avoid letting them take over. Try observing your thoughts as they come and go, without attaching judgment to them. Sometimes, simply acknowledging a negative thought can help reduce its power.
Practice Gratitude Shifting focus to the positive aspects of life can interrupt the negativity spiral. Take a moment to reflect on things you’re grateful for, even small things like a cup of coffee or a good conversation. Practicing gratitude daily can retrain your brain to notice more of the good around you.
Set Boundaries Negativity can spread through our environment. Limit time spent in situations or with people who frequently bring down your mood. This isn’t about shutting people out but rather protecting your emotional energy.
Avoiding Negative Media Sensationalized news stories, social media drama, divisive political commentary, and content focused on crime, disasters, or scandals, can easily heighten feelings of anxiety, frustration, and pessimism. Avoiding or limiting exposure to such media can help reduce stress and maintain a more balanced, optimistic outlook on life.
Reframe and Redirect When a negative thought arises, try reframing it into something more constructive. For instance, if you’re thinking, “I’ll never succeed at this,” reframe it as, “I’m learning, and each step brings me closer.” Redirecting your thoughts gives you more control over your mindset.
Take Care of Your Body and Mind Physical health and mental well-being are deeply connected. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate rest improve mood, boost energy, and build resilience against negativity.
Building Positivity as a Habit
Breaking free from negativity isn’t about avoiding all negative thoughts; it’s about building habits that foster positivity and resilience. Positivity won’t eliminate challenges, but it helps us approach them with a clearer, lighter mindset. By catching negativity before it spirals, we create space for more joy, fulfilment, and growth in our lives.
Solistic 
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