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Is Self-Distraction a Form of Resistance?

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When it comes to self care and development?

On my journey to wellbeing I have noticed that my good intentions rarely materialise because I decide other activities are more important. For example spending an hour in the morning just on myself doing things for my own benefit such as a bit of exercise, meditation, reading or writing journals, quite frequently is replaced with doing some housework, researching my latest craft venture, checking emails, online banking, there are endless options. These ‘distractions’ are important too, I tell myself, getting them done makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something, and they do need to be done. But am I fooling myself? Yes, they are necessary tasks, but not instead of the hour I planned for myself. I realise I am making excuses not to do what I intended, the question is why? There seems to be some resistance to my self-care plan, so why do I resist something that will be good for me? This is where I need to find the answers in order to put my needs first. First we’ll look at the difference between distraction and resistance:

Distraction

Distraction refers to a state of being pulled away or diverted from a task or focus of attention. It involves interference or interruption that hinders one’s ability to concentrate on a particular activity or thought. I’m talking about self-distraction here, not from outside influences such as children, pets, partners, friends or work colleagues. Some of our distractions could be in the form of habitually scrolling through social media, starting a new hobby or project or choosing an easier task to do.    These activities provide an escape from the stresses of daily life but prevent us from making valuable progress on a personal level. 

Resistance

Resistance, can refer to the subconscious avoidance of facing uncomfortable thoughts, emotions, or situations. While it might seem counterintuitive, engaging in self-distraction often stems from our resistance to confronting certain aspects of our lives. So even though we really want to do things to improve our mental, emotional and physical health the reality can be scary. Believe it or not, staying with what we are familiar with, even things that make us unhappy, can be comfortable because it has become a habit and change is not comfortable and more importantly it requires an amount of effort on our part. Change means stepping into the unknown and the excitement of self improvement is outweighed by the uncertainty of what the outcome may be. There are lots of reasons why positive improvements can feel negative, such as how the new improved you may be received by others, feeling guilty spending time on yourself instead of serving others, not being worth it or letting go of the unhealthy habits that we enjoy. Here’s a closer look at how self-distraction and resistance are interconnected:

The Illusion of Productivity

Engaging in seemingly productive activities, like cleaning your house from top to bottom or meticulously organizing your closet, can offer a convincing illusion of accomplishment while deflecting your attention from more pressing matters. I am guilty of doing this, I may be looking for a pen to start writing a journal and end up clearing a drawer out in the process leaving no time for my intended task. I definitely feel better if I’ve decluttered a drawer and it makes life easier looking for things afterwards BUT I’ve avoided doing the thing that could have been even more beneficial to me.

Avoidance of Uncomfortable Emotions

Resistance thrives on avoiding discomfort. When we bury our heads in our smartphones or immerse ourselves in video games, we effectively dodge the uncomfortable emotions we might be experiencing. Rather than confronting our feelings of anxiety, stress, or sadness, we choose to escape into a virtual world where these emotions seem temporarily distant. I can be reading a self-help book enthusiastically and then an idea pops into my head, usually inspired from the book initially, but this ‘idea’ takes me away from finishing the book and following the exercises. It could be wanting to buy copies for friends or a new journal to work through it for example, so I start looking online and then I’m lost in a world of distractions and don’t get back to my book and avoid doing any of the self-help exercises.

Subconscious Fear of Change

Sometimes, resistance originates from an unconscious fear of change. Starting a new project or addressing personal challenges can be daunting, as they often require stepping out of our comfort zones. In these moments, the allure of self-distraction can become almost irresistible, allowing us to stay within the confines of what we know, even if it’s not serving our growth.

I initially started this blog to record my journey to healing and wellbeing and to share all the ideas, experience and knowledge I have. I don’t have any problem sharing and you’ll find lots of useful articles here on self-care, self-love and healing etc. But my initial intention of leading by example by practicing what I preach didn’t get very far. Even though I know that putting myself first is essential to my wellbeing, I have resisted in doing so in the belief that life is full of distractions and setbacks. SO now I ask myself ‘what are my fears?’ Is it the fear of failure, the fear of change? I will be addressing this in my personal blog because I have actually been making some improvements in my health but I fear that I won’t succeed and that will not help other people. It’s time for a change!

Where to Start

The Power of Self-Awareness

Recognizing self-distraction as a form of resistance is the first step towards breaking free from its grip. Cultivating self-awareness allows us to identify the moments when we’re using distractions to avoid facing uncomfortable truths. Instead of succumbing to resistance, we can choose to lean into discomfort, acknowledging our feelings and addressing the root causes.

Embracing Mindfulness and Reflection

By fostering mindfulness and practicing self-reflection, we can dismantle the cycle of resistance. Mindfulness encourages us to be present in our emotions and experiences, making it harder for resistance to gain a foothold. Self-reflection helps us identify the patterns of distraction we engage in and empowers us to take intentional steps towards personal growth.

In conclusion, self-distraction isn’t always the harmless escape it appears to be. It often serves as a subconscious form of resistance, deterring us from facing uncomfortable emotions and avoiding necessary change. By recognizing this connection and practicing self-awareness, mindfulness, and reflection, we can break free from the cycle of resistance and move towards a more authentic, empowered, and growth-oriented life.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. If you like this article please take look at some of my other pages or blog posts where I talk about different therapies and my own wellbeing journey and if you’d like to see future posts then please enter your email address and click on the subscribe button below and you will be notified of future content. I have no plans to use your email address for any other purpose. Feel free to share my page with anyone you feel may be interested and if you have any feedback about what I write or suggestions for further articles then please use the comment box further down the page. Warmest Wishes, Janet x

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https://www.solistic.fr/

I am currently affiliated with Body FX. This page may contain other affiliated links and if you purchase any item from following one of these links I may receive a small commission. Images that I haven’t taken myself are from pixabay.cm, unsplash.com or pexels.com.

Self-Limiting Beliefs

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Self-limiting beliefs are the negative perceptions we have about ourselves that hold us back from succeeding in life because we don’t believe we can achieve what we desire.  The things we repeatedly think and say leave an imprint on our subconscious mind that affect the way we behave.  Also, the negative experiences we have had, can lead us to expect the same thing to happen again in similar situations.  Some of the reason we develop these self limited beliefs are explained below.

CHILDHOOD

Being teased as a child may have embarrassed and shamed you.  Even if it wasn’t meant to harm you it could lead you to avoid trying something again in case it you get teased again and those negative feeling return.  

  • A child putting their hand up in class to answer a maths question after completely misunderstanding the question and feeling a fool for getting it wrong could end up with them believing they were no good at maths leading to a complete block in understand any future lessons.  In adulthood they may avoid careers that involves working with numbers because they believe they are no good with them.    
  • At about six years I old was laughed at by the whole class when I cried during a music lesson, the children and the teachers assumed I was crying about the song we were singing and all laughed and mocked me for being so silly, the truth was at the time I didn’t even realise I was crying and it definitely wasn’t about the song.  Every time we sang the song after that they would all tell me not to cry.   This contributed to me being a very shy child who could never show feelings.  In adulthood I hated crying in front of anyone and would avoid situation that may result in it because I couldn’t handle other people response to it, even worse I would repress my feelings and act like I didn’t care. 

Neglect and abuse has a serious detrimental effect on how children feel about themselves; from being physically or mentally abused by caregivers to being bullied and isolated by their peers.   They may believe they are not as good as other people, that they don’t deserve to be happy or loved and this could lead toxic relationships in adulthood or avoiding relationships altogether.   Even if you forget these events from early childhood and grow to be confident and happy, you may encounter situations where you feel uncomfortable and anxious without knowing why leading you to have doubts about your ability to maintain a relationship or fit into social circles.

This is a vast and complicated area, you can imagine many scenarios and how they can impact personal development.  In serious situations, a professional councillor or psychologist may be needed to help identify and overcome the underlying issues.   In less serious situations such as shyness and low self-esteem there are many resources you can use to help yourself, such as meditation, self-hypnosis, emotional freedom technique, to name just a few.

Social Conditioning

You may come from a background of poverty where it is considered normal to struggle through life making ends meet.   You’re taught not to expect more from life so you don’t even dream of a better life because the people you know and love are all in the same situation as you.  You could have been told you are ‘getting above yourself’ for daring to imagine being successful or gaining a better quality of life, this can come from other people’s self-limiting beliefs or from them not wanting you to rise above your situation because you will leave them behind or make them feel like a failure.   An example of this could be a family who relies on benefits and knows the system inside out because that is what they grew up with and they pass on the knowledge to their children as a means to survive.  Or a working class family who has not had the benefit of quality education believing that they are not clever enough to go on to higher education and better their careers.

From a personal point of view, no one told me that I wouldn’t be successful etc. but I wasn’t encouraged to do better either.  Because I was painfully shy at school, the teachers assumed I was stupid and didn’t attempt to bring me out of my shell or help me with my work, I was sent to remedial lessons because they though I was a slow learner.  When I went on to high school I just assumed I would be in the bottom class but when we were graded I was put in one of the top classes which was a huge surprise to me and my parents.   It just shows how you can accept who you think you are by the way people treat you.

NEGATIVE SELF-TALK

We are all guilty of putting ourselves down, we are our worst critics and see flaws in ourselves that no one else would notice.  Some of the things we say that hold us back are:

  • I’m not good enough, not clever enough, pretty enough, fit enough – not enough
  • I don’t belong
  • I’ll never be able to do that
  • I’m stupid for making that mistake
  • I haven’t got the time
  • I’m too fat or unfit
WHAT YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN ACHIEVE

What you think about and focus your attention on, you get more of.   So, if you constantly tell yourself that you are not good enough, will never have something, can’t do that etc. you are convincing yourself of that and instilling deep beliefs about yourself.  I remember as a child my mum always used to say ‘There’s no such thing as can’t!’ I didn’t really understand it at the time but now I believe if you really want to achieve something enough and believe in yourself you can achieve it.   It requires a positive mindset to keep motivated though. 

RECOGNISE THAT NEGATIVE VOICE

I always wanted to write but couldn’t decide what to write about and ‘my negative voice’ told me that no one would want to read what I had to say anyway, I didn’t have the time and would never be successful etc.   Having these beliefs prevented me from going further than writing a few pages.  Recently though, I thought about this negative self-talk and how I’m my own worst critic and bully, and realising that no one could say anything about me that I hadn’t already said to myself seemed to empower me.  As soon as you notice negative thoughts taking over your mind you can take steps to control it.

BE YOUR OWN CHEERLEADER

Recognise when the negative voice starts and stop and think about what you would say to a friend in the same situation, would you say the same to them or would you highlight the things they have achieved and the talents and knowledge they already have and encourage them to just ‘do it anyway’?  Why not try doing that for yourself?  The more you practice the easier it will be to be kind and supportive to yourself.

Recently a short video popped up on my YouTube feed about the ‘5 second Rule’ by Mel Robbins. It is a very simple method of counting backwards from five to stop the negative thoughts and habbit’s that prevent us moving forward and achieving our goals, I will be writing more about this in my blog but its worth taking a look at the video and giving it a try.

OVERCOMING SELF DOUBT

It may not be easy for everyone to just start being more positive, depending on you level of self esteem you may need more than an encouraging voice.   The first step is to identify your limiting beliefs in the first place and find a way to change that belief.   There are many self-help books and methods out there to help you but maybe just try the following first:

  • Identify the self-limiting belief, write down what it is you believe and why.
  • Think about if you really believe these things, are they logical or are using them to make excuses. Is there something you can do to change this belief like take and course in something, practice a skill etc.
  • Try to imagine you were encouraging a friend to change the way they think about themselves and imagine someone you believe in saying them to you.
  • For every negative belief, think of a positive response e.g. ’I always fail exams’ – ‘so far I haven’t passed an exam but that doesn’t mean I never will’
  • When you notice your negative thinking, STOP and Be loving and kind to yourself
  • Use affirmations about what you would like to do, be, achieve etc.

These are just a few examples and there are many self-development and healing systems you can use to help to such as EFT, The Emotion Code and The Law of Attraction (Manifestation).

I hope you found this article interesting and useful. Please take look at some of my other pages or blog posts where I talk about different therapies and my own wellbeing journey. If you’d like to see my future content then please enter your email and press subscribe below and you will be alerted when I publish anything new. Thank You for taking the time to read this. Until next time, I wish you all the very best. Janet x

https://www.solistic.fr/

I am currently affiliated with Body FX. This page may contain other affiliated links and if you purchase any item from following one of these links I may receive a small commission. Images that I haven’t taken myself are from pixabay.cm, unsplash.com or pexels.com.

What’s Love got to do with it?

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What is Love and Why is Self-Love Important?

You’ve probably heard the phrase ‘Love makes the world go round’. But have you ever paused to consider what is love and why does it matter? More importantly, why is self-love so essential to our wellbeing and relationships?

What is Love?

“Love” is a complex and multifaceted emotion, often described as a deep affection, care, and attachment to someone or something. It can manifest in various forms and intensities, and its meaning can vary depending on the context. Love is an essential aspect of human experience and plays a central role in our relationships, personal development, and overall well-being.

There are many forms of love, here are a few of the most commonly recognised types:

  • Romantic Love: This is the passionate, affectionate love typically associated with romantic relationships. It involves intense emotions, physical attraction, and a deep connection between two people.
  • Platonic Love: This is a type of love that is purely based on friendship and does not involve romantic or sexual attraction. It is characterized by a strong emotional bond, trust, and companionship. It’s characterized by mutual respect, shared interests, and emotional support.
  • Familial Love: This is the love between family members. It includes the love between parents and children (parental love), between siblings (sibling love), and among extended family members.
  • Parental Love: Parental love is the deep and nurturing love that parents have for their children. It often involves sacrifice and a strong desire to protect and care for one’s offspring.
  • Spiritual Love: Spiritual love is associated with a sense of connection to something greater than oneself, often associated with religious beliefs. It is love is a love that transcends the physical and material world. It also involves a deep and compassionate love for all people, regardless of their actions or characteristics.
  • Self-Love: Self-love is the love and acceptance of oneself. It is important for a healthy self-esteem and overall well-being.

Love is a profound emotion that includes a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes. However, before you can successfully love others, you must first learn to love yourself. This is where self-love comes into play.

The Importance of Self-Love

Consciously recognizing your worth and focusing on your happiness and wellbeing is vital to your overall health. Self-love is not just about pampering oneself with materialistic pleasures, but it’s also about caring for one’s mental health, self-growth, and sense of happiness.

So, why is cultivating self-love important?

Boosts Mental Health

Your mental wellbeing goes hand in hand with self-love. When you love yourself, you accept your imperfections. This acceptance leads to fewer comparisons with others, which often results in a significant improvement in mental health.

Strengthens Relationships

Love has a ripple effect. When you practice self-love, it reflects in your relationships. It sets a standard for how others should respect and treat you. In turn, it helps develop healthier relationships with your loved ones.

Leads to Success

A high degree of self-love leads to greater motivation to achieve your personal and professional goals. When you value yourself, you are more likely to strive for success.

How to Cultivate Self-Love

Cultivating self-love is an ongoing journey, not a destination. Here are some steps you can take:

  • Acceptance: Accept your flaws and appreciate your strengths.
  • Self-care: Take care of your health – physical and mental.
  • Boundaries: Learn to say ‘no’ when something conflicts with your wellbeing.

Understanding love, particularly self-love, is fundamental to our overall wellbeing and relationships. So, are you loving yourself enough?

I am currently working on an online course about using self-love to help heal yourself and overcome setbacks and obstacles. The course will be structured to help you address any issues in an easy straight forward way with many tools, exercises and techniques you can use in situations as they arise. I’m hoping to offer this course in the next twelve months but in the meantime, take a look at some of the other articles on my page, you can find them in the menu or click on the following links: self-compassion, self-healing, self-care, gratitude. As this is a wellbeing blog all my posts and pages are about taking care of yourself, sharing my experiences, struggles and knowledge. I hope you find it useful.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. If you like this article please take look at some of my other pages or blog posts where I talk about different therapies and my own wellbeing journey and if you’d like to see future posts then please enter your email address and click on the subscribe button below and you will be notified of future content. I have no plans to use your email address for any other purpose. Feel free to share my page with anyone you feel may be interested and if you have any feedback about what I write or suggestions for further articles then please use the comment box further down the page. Warmest Wishes, Janet x

https://www.solistic.fr/

I am currently affiliated with Body FX. This page may contain other affiliated links and if you purchase any item from following one of these links I may receive a small commission. Images that I haven’t taken myself are from pixabay.cm, unsplash.com or pexels.com.

The Illusion of Perfection

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I used to think of myself as a perfectionist.   I strived to do everything right.   I spent so much time paying attention to details that no one else would notice, but I would gain satisfaction from.   But the truth is there, was no reward and the satisfaction I felt was short lived as I still felt unfulfilled. In my work the perfection I strived for went unnoticed or expected but never acknowledged and I became exhausted and resentful.

I remember in my twenties I would write a lot, poems, reflections and thoughts I had on life and I’d come to some amazing revelations.  Unfortunately (or not), I can’t find any of the work I did even though I’m sure I put it somewhere safe.    I can remember some of the subjects, one was a really great poem about how unperfect perfection was, one was about love being the answer and the reasons for everything another was a poem entitled ‘Like coming out of a Coma’ relating to the awakening I had when I made the decision to get myself out of an abusive relationship.   Although I can no longer find this work, the messages stayed with me, maybe I don’t need the actual lessons again just the appreciation of the wisdom that came from them.

Perfection is perceived in different ways for different people and even in ourselves depending what is going on around us at the time.   Perfection is a desire for an outcome that fits our needs and standards.    When someone states ‘that’s perfect’ they are letting you know you have pleased them and provided them with exactly what they wanted at the time, another person might not find it perfect though.  So it is actually just a perception.   

Perfection is what makes people comfortable but that ‘perfection’ may make others anxious because it doesn’t make them comfortable, because they don’t have the same likes and needs or they worry they won’t be able to meet the same standards.  So, perfectionism triggers insecurity, self-doubt and limiting beliefs leading to avoiding taking steps to achieve their own accomplishments.

There is nothing wrong in trying to do your best and improving yourself, your abilities, your behaviour, your outlook, anything.  This is how we grow.   But there is no perfect outcome.   There doesn’t need to be.   It can feel perfect at the time because you have achieved what you want BUT that is what it is . . . just a feeling . . . Perfection is a feeling and feelings are fluid, they change just like everything else in this world.   So, what is right for you now, won’t be the same for you in another time or situation.  

This is why we shouldn’t try to recreate the past because it can lead to disappointment.  We can look back at what we learned and remember the good times, the good feelings but trying to recreate them exactly is impossible.   That’s why it’s not really unfortunate that I can’t find the work I did 30 years ago, I am not the same now, I’ve done so much work and been through so much more, good and bad situations since then, that what I discovered as a major realisation then will not have the same impact on me now, and worse – if I was to find this work that I created and believed was some kind of epiphany, it could quite possibly be extremely disillusional and even cause me to doubt my own abilities of perception.

Imperfection can teach us so much too, it can teach us acceptance, it can motivate and inspire us to try new things, new ways of doing and being and to be content with what we have achieved.   We learn from our mistakes. So lets enjoy not being perfect!

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. If you like this article please take look at some of my other pages or blog posts where I talk about different therapies and my own wellbeing journey and if you’d like to see future posts then please enter your email address and click on the subscribe button below and you will be notified of future content. I have no plans to use your email address for any other purpose. Feel free to share my page with anyone you feel may be interested and if you have any feedback about what I write or suggestions for further articles then please use the comment box further down the page. Warmest Wishes, Janet x

https://www.solistic.fr/

I am currently affiliated with Body FX. This page may contain other affiliated links and if you purchase any item from following one of these links I may receive a small commission. Images that I haven’t taken myself are from pixabay.cm, unsplash.com or pexels.com.

STRAYING OFF THE WELLBEING PATH

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When it comes to our wellbeing journey, we often start off with great enthusiasm and motivation. We set goals, make plans, and are enthusiastic about the positive changes we are about to make. However, as time passes, it can become challenging to maintain that same level of enthusiasm and commitment. We may encounter obstacles, face setbacks, or simply struggle to find the motivation to continue. This is when it becomes easy to give up on our wellbeing journey altogether. However, it’s important to remember that this struggle is normal and that giving up is not the answer.

We all have moments when we feel like we can’t keep going, that the effort required is too much, or that we will never reach our goals. The key to overcoming these moments is to understand why we feel this way and to find ways to push through the obstacles.    Here are a few examples of the struggles we come across and some suggestions of how to overcome them:

UNACHIEVABLE GOALS

One of the main reasons why we may struggle to maintain our wellbeing journey is that we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves.  We may want to lose a certain amount of weight in a short amount of time or feel like we should be able to stick to a strict diet and exercise regimen without fail.  When we fail to meet these expectations, we may feel like we have let ourselves down and give up on our goals altogether.

WHAT CAN WE DO?

To overcome this challenge, it’s important to set realistic expectations for ourselves. We should aim to make small, sustainable changes to our habits that we can maintain over time.  For example, instead of trying to completely overhaul our diet, we can start by incorporating more fruits and vegetables into our meals, drinking more water or reducing sugary snacks. By setting achievable goals, we can build momentum and confidence in our ability to make positive changes to our wellbeing.

LACK OF SUPPORT

Another reason why we may struggle to maintain our wellbeing journey is that we don’t have a support system in place. We may feel like we are alone in our efforts and that no one else understands what we are going through. This can make it difficult to stay motivated, especially when we encounter obstacles or setbacks.

WHAT CAN WE DO?

To overcome this challenge, we can seek out support from others who are on a similar journey or who have already achieved their wellbeing goals. This can be in the form of a support group, an accountability partner, or a coach or mentor. By having someone to share our struggles and successes with, we can feel more connected and motivated to continue our journey.

SETBACKS AND DISTRACTIONS

Finally, it’s important to recognise that setbacks and obstacles are a natural part of any wellbeing journey. We may experience a plateau in our weight loss, have a difficult time sticking to our exercise routine, or encounter unexpected life events that hinder our progress. In times like this, it’s important to remember that setbacks are not failures and to always be kind to ourselves.

WHAT CAN WE DO?

To overcome these challenges, we can focus on progress rather than perfection. We can celebrate small wins along the way, such as making healthier food choices or completing a challenging workout.  By focusing on progress, we can maintain our motivation and continue to move forward, even when we encounter setbacks.

In conclusion, the struggle to not give up on our wellbeing journey is real, but it’s important to remember that it’s a normal part of the process. By setting realistic expectations, seeking support from others, and focusing on progress rather than perfection, we can overcome these challenges and continue on our journey towards better health and wellbeing.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. If you like this article please take look at some of my other pages or blog posts where I talk about different therapies and my own wellbeing journey and if you’d like to see future posts then please enter your email address and click on the subscribe button below and you will be notified of future content. I have no plans to use your email address for any other purpose. Feel free to share my page with anyone you feel may be interested and if you have any feedback about what I write or suggestions for further articles then please use the comment box further down the page. Warmest Wishes, Janet x

https://www.solistic.fr/

I am currently affiliated with Body FX. This page may contain other affiliated links and if you purchase any item from following one of these links I may receive a small commission. Images that I haven’t taken myself are from pixabay.cm, unsplash.com or pexels.com.

ACCEPTANCE IS BETTER THAN IDENTIFYING

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Why we should not identify with negative feelings and situations

Our emotions can be incredibly powerful and sometimes overwhelming, influencing our thoughts, behaviours, and even our reality.  However, we have the power to control our emotions and not let them define our reality.

Identifying with negative feelings, such as anger, anxiety, or sadness, can be a natural response to difficult situations or experiences. However, it’s important to recognize that identifying with negative feelings can have negative consequences for our mental and emotional well-being.

Identifying with negative feelings can lead to a negative self-image. When we identify with negative feelings, we may begin to see ourselves as flawed or inadequate, which can eat away at our self-esteem and confidence. This can create a negative cycle, where we feel even more negative emotions and become more identified with them.

Identifying with negative feelings can also limit our ability to connect with others. When we are stuck in negative emotions, we can become isolated or withdraw from social interactions. This can make it difficult to build and maintain positive relationships with others.

We can also end up with a sense of powerlessness or helplessness. When we feel like we are defined by our negative emotions, we may believe that we have no control over our situation or our feelings. This can lead to a sense of hopelessness or resignation.

How does acceptance work in negative situations:

By practicing mindfulness and self-awareness we can accept that we have these feelings and thoughts and understand that there is a reason for them, without allowing them to become our reality. This involves observing our thoughts and emotions without judgment, and recognizing that they do not define us. We can also practice self-compassion and treat ourselves with kindness and understanding, even when we are experiencing negative emotions

Change the dialogue of those negative feelings from ‘I am’ to ‘I feel’ like below:

  • I am tired
  • I am angry
  • I am a failure
  • I am useless
  • I am sad
  • I feel tired
  • I feel angry
  • I feel like a failure
  • I feel useless
  • I feel sad

Can you see the difference?

When you state ‘I am’ you are affirming with your subconscious mind that something is a fact . . . your reality.

However, when you state ‘I feel’ then you are still acknowledging the negativity BUT because you have accepted it as a feeling, there is room for change because feelings are temporary.

You can use ‘I am’ statements in a positive way as AFFIRMATIONS

An affirmation is a positive statement or declaration that is used to reprogram the subconscious mind with a new belief or attitude. It is a tool that can help to overcome negative thoughts and beliefs and develop a more positive mindset. Affirmations are written in the present tense and in a positive and specific manner. For example, “I am confident and capable” or “I am worthy of love and respect.” By repeating these statements to oneself regularly, you can start to internalize and believe them, which can lead to positive changes in their behaviour, emotions, and overall well-being.

By taking control of our emotions, we can change our reality and create a more positive and fulfilling life. We can improve our relationships with others, make better decisions, and feel more confident and empowered. It’s not always easy, but with practice and persistence, we can learn to manage our emotions and live a more fulfilling life.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. If you like this article please take look at some of my other pages or blog posts where I talk about different therapies and my own wellbeing journey and if you’d like to see future posts then please enter your email address and click on the subscribe button below and you will be notified of future content. I have no plans to use your email address for any other purpose. Feel free to share my page with anyone you feel may be interested and if you have any feedback about what I write or suggestions for further articles then please use the comment box further down the page. Warmest Wishes, Janet x

https://www.solistic.fr/

I am currently affiliated with Body FX. This page may contain other affiliated links and if you purchase any item from following one of these links I may receive a small commission. Images that I haven’t taken myself are from pixabay.cm, unsplash.com or pexels.com.

THE POWER OF SURRENDERING

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I’ve had a few challenges over the past few months:

  • Problems with inadequate hot water system and waiting for new heating system to be installed. Therefore I couldn’t have my relaxing hot baths to help with fibromyalgia pain and have to boil a kettle to wash greasy dishes.
  • I had a fall and injured my right shoulder which is still causing me pain, and for unknown reasons my left hip has been extremely painful so sleeping has been difficult and I haven’t been able to work.
  • I had a stressful time hiring a car on my trip to the UK, I won’t bore you with the details.
  • I had positive news at my follow-up appointment after the Cardiac Ablation procedure and they said I could come off medication but less than two weeks later my blood pressure was shot up and I was getting the occasional arrhythmia episode, so I’m back on the medication for the moment.
  • My washing machine and TV remote control broke down.
  • The heating installation finally happened but during the coldest spell of snow and ice, the original one was ripped out and the new one isn’t very warm.

I’m sure there have been more events but can’t remember everything, the thing is, I would normally have been very stressed over these events making my medical issues worse but this time I just went with the flow. It wasn’t intentional but I remained calm and carried on the best I could. I was thinking about this last night as people have been surprised at my positive attitude throughout. I realised that I had surrendered to the situations because they were out of my control so I had been in a place of acceptance and didn’t dwell on the negativity of it all. This made me think about how powerful it was to surrender.

Why is Surrendering a Good Thing?

Letting go of resistance

When we resist what is happening around us, we often create unnecessary stress and negative emotions. When we are constantly fighting against circumstances beyond our control, we can become overwhelmed and feel powerless. Surrendering helps to let go of this resistance and allows us to be more present and mindful in the moment. This can lead to a sense of peace and acceptance, which can be incredibly powerful in and of itself.

Focus on What you Can Control

Focussing on what you can control enables you to take action and put your energy towards making positive changes in your life.

Faith in the Universe

When we surrender and stop trying to control everything, we can start to trust that things will work out in the way they are meant to. This can lead to a greater sense of trust in the universe and in oneself and feelings of inner peace and tranquillity.

Opportunity for Growth

I’ve attended many personal development workshops and courses over the years including Buddhist Retreats and one thing the Buddhists taught me was to embrace difficult situations as a way to practice remaining calm amongst the chaos around you. We know that being stressed and angry doesn’t help matters and can even make them worse by causing more negative situations through our behaviour in those moments. By remaining calm we can think more clearly and feel more empowered because we are not letting them affect us negatively.

Not Giving Up

It’s important to note that surrendering doesn’t mean giving up, it means accepting reality and working with it. It’s about letting go of the need to control everything and instead, trusting the process and flow of life.

Action plan for Surrendering for Personal Growth:

Surrendering is a skill that takes time and practice to develop. It’s not something that happens overnight. Be patient with yourself and keep working on it, it can lead to significant personal growth and inner peace.

  • Recognize when you are resisting a situation or circumstance.
  • Remind yourself that resistance creates stress and negative emotions.
  • Practice mindfulness and focus on the present moment.
  • Let go of the need to control the situation and trust that things will work out as they should.
  • Accept the reality of the situation and work with it rather than against it.
  • Put your energy towards what you can control and make positive changes in your life.
  • Reflect on the experience and notice any changes in your mindset and emotions.
  • Repeat the process when faced with similar situations in the future.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. If you like this article please take look at some of my other pages or blog posts where I talk about different therapies and my own wellbeing journey and if you’d like to see future posts then please enter your email address and click on the subscribe button below and you will be notified of future content. I have no plans to use your email address for any other purpose. Feel free to share my page with anyone you feel may be interested and if you have any feedback about what I write or suggestions for further articles then please use the comment box further down the page. Warmest Wishes, Janet x

https://www.solistic.fr/

I am currently affiliated with Body FX. This page may contain other affiliated links and if you purchase any item from following one of these links I may receive a small commission. Images that I haven’t taken myself are from pixabay.cm, unsplash.com or pexels.com.

The Most Important Relationship

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When we think about relationships we mostly think externally about how we relate to others and forget the one we should be focussing on first:

Your Relationship with Yourself

Having a healthy relationship with yourself is essential for overall well-being and happiness. Many of us spend a lot of time focusing on our relationships with others, whether it be romantic partners, friends, or family members. However, it’s just as important to nurture and maintain a positive relationship with ourselves.

Awareness

One of the most important aspects of having a good relationship with yourself is self-awareness. This means being in tune with your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, and understanding how they impact your life. It also means being honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses, and accepting yourself for who you are.

Self Care

Another important aspect is self-care. This includes taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. This can include things like exercise, eating well, getting enough sleep, and taking time to relax and de-stress. It also means setting boundaries with others and learning to say no when necessary.

Be Kind to Yourself

In addition to self-awareness and self-care, it’s also important to practice self-compassion. This means being kind and understanding towards yourself, even when you make mistakes or fall short of your goals. It’s important to remember that everyone makes mistakes and it’s a part of the learning process.

Building a positive relationship with yourself takes time and effort, but it’s worth it. When you have a healthy relationship with yourself, you’ll be better equipped to handle challenges and setbacks, and you’ll be more confident in your ability to achieve your goals.

Ultimately, having a relationship with yourself means treating yourself with the same care, kindness and respect that you would give to a loved one. Remember that you are your own best friend, and it’s important to take care of yourself in the same way you would take care of a friend.

If you are looking to improve your relationship with yourself, try setting aside some time each day for self-reflection, practice self-compassion, and make sure to engage in self-care activities that you enjoy. With time and effort, you’ll be well on your way to a healthy, positive relationship with yourself.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. If you like this article please take look at some of my other pages or blog posts where I talk about different therapies and my own wellbeing journey and if you’d like to see future posts then please enter your email address and click on the subscribe button below and you will be notified of future content. I have no plans to use your email address for any other purpose. Feel free to share my page with anyone you feel may be interested and if you have any feedback about what I write or suggestions for further articles then please use the comment box further down the page. Warmest Wishes, Janet x

https://www.solistic.fr/

I am currently affiliated with Body FX. This page may contain other affiliated links and if you purchase any item from following one of these links I may receive a small commission. Images that I haven’t taken myself are from pixabay.cm, unsplash.com or pexels.com.

Happy New (Resolutions) Year

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Before I start this post I’d just like to wish you all A Wonderfully Happy New Year and I hope all your goals and dreams come true.

It’s that time of year again – the time when we reflect on the past year and make resolutions for the one ahead. But if you’re like me and many others, you find yourself making the same resolutions year after year, only to break them within the first few weeks of the new year.

What did I Achieve Last Year?

My Repeated Resolutions – every year I plan to start a regular exercise regime, eat healthy, lose weight and overcome any health issues. Improving my French and growing my business are usually included in there too. I’ve found notebooks going back 10 years that start with exactly the same intentions. I don’t think I actually made resolutions last year just had positive intentions, but what I did achieve was:

  • I started writing this blog, I always resolved to write a book in the past but it was too much of a commitment to stick too. I love to write though so writing a blog and all the other articles on this website is a perfect way to express myself.
  • I started a YouTube channel – I haven’t published much on it yet but I have lots of material ready to put together and lots more ideas of content I’d like to put on there. So the framework is in place.
  • I did do a lot more exercise, not as much as I hoped but I did start a little personal class with a friend so we motivated each other to keep it up, a few (non related) injuries put a temporary halt to them however.
  • I finally got a dental implant for a lost crown which was making me feel a bit self conscious and took a couple of year to get an appointment to fix.
  • I had a cardiac ablation procedure which looks like it may have resolved my Atrial Fibrillation.
  • I finally travelled to the UK to see family for the first time in three years.

What stops us sticking to our Resolutions

Before I make my resolutions I thought I’d reflect on why we struggle to stick to our resolutions, even when we’re determined to make positive changes in our lives?

One reason might be that we’re too ambitious. We make resolutions that are hard to maintain, setting ourselves up for failure from the start.

Another reason might be that we’re not specific enough. We make vague resolutions like “exercise more” or “eat healthier,” without a clear plan of action or accountability.

Some tips to help you make sure that you stick to your resolutions this year?

  1. Make specific and achievable resolutions. Instead of resolving to “lose weight,” aim to “lose 5 pounds in the next month” or “cook at home three times a week.” Specific and achievable goals are more likely to lead to success.
  2. Create a plan. Once you’ve set your resolution, break it down into smaller, more manageable tasks. For example, if you want to “exercise more,” decide which days of the week you’ll go to the gym, what workouts you’ll do, and for how long.
  3. Find accountability. It can be helpful to have someone to check in with and report your progress to. Whether it’s a friend, a coach, or a support group, having someone to hold you accountable can make a big difference.
  4. Don’t beat yourself up if you slip up. No one is perfect, and it’s okay if you have an off day or two. The important thing is to get back on track as soon as possible and keep moving forward.
  5. Celebrate your successes. As you accomplish your goals, take a moment to recognize and celebrate your progress. This will help you stay motivated and continue making progress towards your resolutions.

When the above tips don’t work

The tips above are great and would have worked for me years ago but unfortunately my fibromyalgia symptoms of exhaustion, pain and brain fog do prevent me from sticking to a regular exercise and diet plan. I do my best and stick to it when I’m able to. I have supportive and encouraging friends and I don’t beat myself up. That is why I’m still positive about achieving results and overcoming my limitations.

So this year I will still have the same goals in mind but instead of having a plan for them I’m going to address the underlying problems which are:

Resolving the pain I have that particularly hinders my progress. I’m suffering terrible with lower back and hip pain at the moment and I had a fall a month or so ago and injured my shoulder which has improved but is still painful when I do too much and I have had knee problems for over ten years.

I’m going to try to overcome my sleep problems as good sleep is essential for healing as well as having the energy to perform daily tasks etc.

If I have energy and no fear of pain then I will be able to stick to the healthy habits on a regular basis.

So an outline of my action plan for 2023 is:

  • Have XRays and MRI on problem areas to see if there is any medical action to be taken.
  • Follow any medical advice given.
  • Go to see an osteopath to help with joint pain.
  • Improve sleep hygiene.
  • Practice Yoga stretching and breathing exercises to help with both pain and sleep.
  • Remember to use my own therapies on myself where possible e.g. Self-massage, Reflexology and Reiki.

Unrelated Resolutions:

  • Read one book a month.
  • Publish my first YouTube video by the end of February

I’ll leave it at that now and I will review and update regularly on future blog posts.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. If you like this article please take look at some of my other pages or blog posts where I talk about different therapies and my own wellbeing journey and if you’d like to see future posts then please enter your email address and click on the subscribe button below and you will be notified of future content. I have no plans to use your email address for any other purpose. Feel free to share my page with anyone you feel may be interested and if you have any feedback about what I write or suggestions for further articles then please use the comment box further down the page. Warmest Wishes, Janet x

https://www.solistic.fr/

I am currently affiliated with Body FX. This page may contain other affiliated links and if you purchase any item from following one of these links I may receive a small commission. Images that I haven’t taken myself are from pixabay.cm, unsplash.com or pexels.com.

Another Year Over (almost)

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It’s been quite a few months since I wrote a post or article. I love to write and have missed it but I have had quite a lot going on since I last posted on here so I got a bit distracted. I’m looking forward to getting back to my blog in the New Year though. So, what have I been up to then?

Crazy, Hazy days of Summer

Unlike last summer which was so wet that we didn’t even get to use our new swimming pool until late July. This year was the opposite with probably the driest summer since we moved here in 2014. It was so hot and dry that there where wildfires all over France and it was quite scary thinking how quickly something like that can happen. We live in the countryside and are surrounded by fields and forests so a disaster can happen any time. Fortunately we were OK but we could smell the smoke from wildfires not too far away. Despite the heatwave and droughts we had a lovely summer though. July and August are the most social times in France, there are a multitude of Night Markets, Festivals and Village Fetes throughout the summer so it’s a great time for tourists and visiting family and friends. Having teenage children also makes for a busy time, especially since my husband Andrew built our new pool, they love having friends over and usually camp in the garden so don’t really cause us much disruption. My daughter was at some festival nearly every week, I would never have known there were so many festivals in rural France but teenagers have their social networks so they don’t miss out, however it does mean a lot of taxi services by us, usually shared between other parents though and hopefully next summer my daughter will be driving herself.

Teen Party Central at Chez Whelan
Night Markets
Andrew and Me at the last night market in Najac with a group of friends

You could probably find a night market every night of the week in surrounding towns but our regular local ones are in Najac and Villefranche-de-Rouergue. Najac food markets (Marchés Gourmands) are on every Wednesday night in July and August and there is a lovely craft market leading to the main square surrounded by a wide variety of food stalls where you buy the food you want to eat in the main seated are. There is a live band on and you can buy beer and wine and stay as long as you like. Villefranche-de-Rouergue have their night markets every Sunday and still gets very busy but has a different vibe, seating under trees around a band stand where local musicians entertain the crowds. In both case to ensure you get a good seat and don’t queue for too long, it is best to get there early.

Netfilx in the Aveyron

It was quite exciting for the residents of Villefranche de Rouergue this summer as they filmed a mini series in the centre of the bastille town. The series is called ‘All the Light We Cannot See’ based on the book by Anthony Doerr. They were casting for about a thousand extras too, Andrew took the kids down to register and thought he may as well register himself and he actually got called to take part for the last day of filming.

All the Light We Cannot See is a love story based in the 2nd World War about a blind girl who falls in love with a German Soldier. Actors Mark Ruffalo and Hugh Laurie star in this four part series that is based in Saint-Malo, they filmed some of the scenes in Villefranch-de-Rouergue because the town is much quieter than Saint-Malo in the summer and they where able to close of the town centre. The buildings fronts were changed to reflect the era of the film and some of them still remain. Andrew had a fantastic day on set despite the stifling temperatures and having to wear heavy army uniform. You can read a little more about the series here https://variety.com/2022/tv/news/mark-ruffalo-hugh-laurie-netflix-1235150315/

Health Journey

I was very busy working this summer which was great but I still managed to make sure i exercised, mainly swimming because it was so hot. However, I did notice that I was having more frequent episodes of arrhythmia despite being on medication and I found it impossible to use the CPAP machine in that heat too, the humidifier was so warm and I felt like I was drowning. I tried to use the machine again when the weather cooled down a bit but there was an error message so I rang the suppliers and also told them I didn’t think the CPAP was helping me much, in fact I felt it interrupted my sleep more. The company got quite offhand with me and said it wasn’t my place to decide not to use it and they would speak to my cardiologist. A few days later an engineer came to take the machine away at the cardiologists instruction, so I think they have washed their hands of me! So I will try to resolve the sleep apnoea myself through breathing exercises and weight loss.

On a more positive note, I spoke to my doctor about the arrhythmia medication not working and she made an appointment with a cardiac surgeon in Toulouse which resulted in me having an ablation a week later. A cardiac ablation procedure using keyhole surgery to freeze and cause some scarring on the inside of the heart to help break up the electrical signals that cause irregular heartbeats. I was in hospital for just one night and the procedure seems to have been successful. When I first came round after being under anaesthetic for almost three hours, I was in a lot of pain and started to panic as I felt like my chest was being crushed but they gave me pain killers and the feeling eased off quickly. For the first two or three weeks the arrhythmia was worse but I had read that it is normal because the heart is inflamed and needs to heal. Now, two months later everything seems to be fine, I still have to take medication until I have my follow up appointment next week but I’m hoping that I will eventually not need to take that anymore too.

I have a shoulder injury and problems with my lower back and hip at the moment so exercise and work is quite difficult but I’m booked in to have XRays and an MRI in a few weeks and hoping that will also reveal any problems that can be addressed.

So I’m feeling a bit more positive that I’m getting on top of the health issues that hold me back from getting in shape.

The New Year

As always I have lots of intentions for the coming year and I will write about that in my next post so for the moment I’d like to wish you all A Very Happy New Year!

I hope you found this article interesting and useful. Please take look at some of my other pages or blog posts where I talk about different therapies and my own wellbeing journey. If you’d like to see my future content then please enter your email and press subscribe below and you will be alerted when I publish anything new. Thank You for taking the time to read this. Until next time, I wish you all the very best. Janet x

https://www.solistic.fr/

I am currently affiliated with Body FX. This page may contain other affiliated links and if you purchase any item from following one of these links I may receive a small commission. Images that I haven’t taken myself are from pixabay.cm, unsplash.com or pexels.com.