For much of my life, I carried a quiet fear of being judged. It showed up in small ways, worrying what people might think, holding back my true opinions, or shrinking my light just to stay safe. I thought that if I could be “good enough,” I’d escape criticism. But judgment has a way of finding us, no matter how careful we try to be.
What I’ve learned is that people’s opinions often reflect their own stories, not our truth. When I began to really understand that, something softened inside me. I stopped chasing approval and started focusing on how I felt about my own choices. That’s where the real freedom began.
The Inner Critic
While I feared other people’s judgment, I didn’t realise how harshly I was judging myself. My inner voice could be relentless, whispering that I should have done better, that I wasn’t enough, that everyone else had it more together than I did.
It took time to see that this self-judgment wasn’t helping me grow; it was keeping me small. When I began to notice those critical thoughts, I asked myself a simple question:
Would I speak this way to someone I love?
If not, then why would I speak that way to myself.
Learning to respond to myself with kindness instead of criticism changed everything. I started replacing the words “I should have known better” with “I did my best with what I knew then.” That one shift turned shame into understanding, and understanding is where healing begins.
An example of this happened to me recently. One day, I tripped over a root in the ground. As I was falling, I felt that familiar flash of fear, the last time something like this happened, I ended up with a frozen shoulder for over a year. Instantly, I heard that old, critical voice say, “You stupid idiot.” But I caught myself and gently corrected it, saying instead, “It’s OK, accidents happen.” I didn’t injure myself this time, and I truly believe it’s because I responded with kindness rather than criticism. That simple shift in self-talk changed my body’s response from tension and fear to softness and acceptance.
When We Judge Others
There are also times I’ve caught myself judging others, not out loud, but in the quiet corners of my mind. And when I look closer, I can see that my judgment often says more about me than about them.
When someone’s confidence made me uncomfortable, it was usually because I longed to feel that free myself. When someone’s choices annoyed me, it was often because I didn’t understand them yet or saw life differently at that time.
It’s humbling to realise how much judgment is really about projection. But it’s also liberating, because once we see it, we can choose differently. Instead of reacting, we can pause and ask, “What is this showing me about myself?”
That’s how judgment becomes a teacher.
Choosing Understanding
Letting go of judgment doesn’t mean pretending we never have critical thoughts, it means we notice them without letting them control us. We become observers rather than participants.
For me, it’s an ongoing practice. Some days I slip back into self-criticism or worry about what others might think. But now I meet those moments with kindness. I remind myself that we are all learning, all trying, all human.
The more compassion I offer myself, the easier it becomes to extend that same compassion to others.
Because in the end, the opposite of judgment isn’t approval – it’s understanding.
And from understanding grows acceptance, connection, and peace.
I hope you found this article interesting and useful. Please take look at some of my other pages or blog posts where I talk about different therapies and my own wellbeing journey. If you’d like to see my future content then please enter your email and press subscribe below and you will be alerted when I publish anything new. Thank You for taking the time to read this. Until next time, I wish you all the very best. Janet x
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